1. |
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I’ve built my life around a dream, but now I’m waking up
I can’t see
Could never see
Futility has blinded me
What if I fail, what if I break?
I can’t, there’s too much at stake
I’ve built my life around a dream
Now I’m waking up It seems
Everything was a figment
And that I was never meant
To trace that line or walk that street
I can’t burn fire, can’t bite my teeth
I’ll just put on a happy face
And move my shit from place to place
And choose my number in the race
Before this body slows my pace
I have tried but can’t erase
Genetic grammar out of place
So when I find another dream
To find myself wrapped in velveteen
Will you be there dressed as my queen
With diamond crown and emerald ring?
Or will I wake sprawled on a lawn
With dew-soaked face facing the dawn?
You’re everywhere peering at me
Scratching me to see me bleed
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2. |
Could Have Died There
03:39
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Could Have Died There
The broken record plays
That spinning that gets through all the days
You penetrate calamity
For brief moments of clarity
To lie awake at night
Telling yourself it’ll be alright
You’ll see the sunshine through the haze
And see the light of another day
Because I could have died there
I could have died there
Don’t need your sympathy
It never meant that much to me
Don’t need your sympathy
It never meant a fuck to me
Oh, it’s just the times like these
I start to lose my faith in peace
And invest in some hatred
I’d rather have something real instead
But, the things that I’ve done
Just make everyday a preparation
For a mistake and I’d rather die
Than listen to your motherfucking reasons why
And I get so tired
Of having to explain
Why I’m staring in space
Pleading my case
You don’t know anything about me
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3. |
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Existence (on the weekends)
In the future when a woman is raped
She won’t press charges
She’ll ask for her change
But, if she decides to stick it to
The jury will enforce a law
Enacted 2082
And you, what do you think of this?
Let’s hold a big press conference
That no one will hear
It’s just fear and ignorance
Manifesting itself as bliss
All existence is just hatred and fear
History repeats itself weaving through the years
And happiness is poured from a pitcher of beer
On the weekends
Go to work and breathe some dust
And if I get lucky then it’s just my luck
And if I find what I’ve been looking for
Damn right I won’t want it anymore
Go home and go to sleep
Have a dream I was standing waste deep
And you were there and you were bleeding
I saw a sign but I couldn’t read it
Wake up and write it down
Encapsulate it in sound
Because I try so hard
To catalog thoughts that I should discard
But now, I don’t even fucking care who hears me
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4. |
A Joke About Hitler
04:10
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5. |
About The Navy
03:17
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About The Navy
I been thinking about the navy
About moving out, just maybe
I could get an education
Get me some of that “edjamocation”
Then I’ll feel better
I am not your patron of self-destruction
I don’t need none of your bullshit instruction
I chose the path, now I will take it
I’m burning out and growing too old to fake it
I been thinking about the navy
And all my friends call me fucking crazy
But what else can there be to do
But ride around in this town and
Get drunk with you
Fuck that shit
I am not your patron of self-destruction
I don’t need none of your bullshit instruction
I am growing much too old and bored to fake it
I saw a dangerous road and I’m about to take it
The world’s gonna end
Philosophical strategery
I am not your patron of self-destruction
I almost died when I took your instruction
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6. |
An Arab Boy
04:46
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An Arab Boy
Mommy was a dress-up doll
Daddy was a toy soldier
We never asked no questions
And we kept our mouths shut
And we’ll perish in the parishes
And do just like our parents did
Die at the hands of evil men
Forbid our questions and call them sin
Somewhere there’s an Arab boy
Who wants to kill me
For not believing in some god he’s never seen
Each day I can feel the hatred burn inside me
But I won’t let that happen
Won’t let it happen, no
Jesus Christ, somebody give me something to hold onto
Something real like a smile
Something real like you
But you’re caught up in your morality
And those orchestrated abstractions
That we’ve constructed to relense us
Oh, but what are morals but a general consensus?
And everybody’s wrong
But someone’s out there now preaching hatred
And fighting over some fucking sand
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7. |
Caramel
02:42
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In Hell I’ll melt like caramel for what I’ve done
I’ll burn for what I’ve done
In Hell we’ll see the things that we
Pay so much fucking money to see
In Hell we’ll melt for a chance to make it right
You don’t have to say you’re sorry
It’s understood
Please don’t tell me that you loved me
I did everything I could
In Hell we’ll melt like caramel for what we have done
We’ll burn for what we’ve done
In Hell we’ll see the things that we
Pay so much fucking money to see
In Hell we’ll melt for a chance to make it right
You say there are no absolutes
But, you’re absolutely miserable
And begging me to make you whole
I become the surgeon just ripping you open
In a feeble attempt to mend your soul
It’s always been more of a feeling
Than the words we spoke
And, I’m telling you now
It was a month before I woke
Just lying in my bed
Replaying every word that was said
Everything that we did
Now my biggest fear,
My biggest fear in the world is that
I don’t care
I don’t give fuck about what I used to
Don’t give a shit, I don’t give a fuck
I don’t care
Desperation is a fucking understatement
I am ripping my eyes out
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8. |
Drinking The Sky
04:03
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Drinking the Sky
Not enough blood at the sacrifice
Not enough to go around
Constant reminder of our state
Bound to flesh and not much more
Matter longing for spirit
Matter longing for spirit
Leaves are turning again
Waiting for the year to end
Breathing feeling the air
Tending to develop a stare
But, it’s alright
And, it’s okay
Step outside in the rain
Dancing, from the fear I refrain
Step so far I fall away from
Who I am and who I’ve been
I’m so high I’m drinking the sky
And I don’t ever want to come back down
Oh, I feel so brand new
“Pain is an illusion”, he says
“So don’t get so caught up in how you feel.”
But, I’m looking outside
And the trees have all died
And nothing’s ever been so real
But, it’s alright
And, it’s okay
Tomorrow doesn’t exist
And, don’t you worry about today
I’m so high
I chose mind over matter
None of this matters
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9. |
Sans Libido
02:44
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Sans Libido
There’s condoms on the floor
And I feel like a whore
And she’s screaming for more
Why did you give me more?
I told you to cut me off
I fucked up again
Fucked up again
And I think, stop
Wait a minute
Why the fuck can’t I remember
Last night
I fucked it up again
Tonight can be our dirty little secret
But, can you keep it?
You are everything to me
But I want everything
Oh, we live for the weekends
To become inches closer to death
We’ve seen our lives go down
A porcelain vase
Jenny’s in the back just
Waiting for Johnny to get it up
Jenny’s in the back just
Waiting for Johnny to get off
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10. |
Idiot
02:55
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Idiot
Seven in the morning
Came without warning
No sleep tonight
We’ll wallow in the sorrow
Feel better tomorrow
You know we always do
Alright
If you wait for me
Then I’ll wait for you
We’ll do all the things
That we said we’d do
We can buy a house
With an in-ground pool
Me, I’ll be your fool
I’ll be an idiot for you
I can say I’m sorry
But I know you’ve heard it a billion times before
Today I looked in the mirror
So soft and silver
And I saw the word whore
And I know my reputation’s is blown
And it is no one’s fault but my own
But I’m telling you now
If I could hear your voice
I have no choice
I’m still an idiot for you
You’re more than just a song to me, dear
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11. |
In Like With You
04:46
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In Like With You
You know, I’m really not sure where this is going
Like an ambling stream that keeps on flowing
Maybe toward a rapid, maybe a clearing
Maybe towards nothing, maybe endearing
But if you find the horrible shit I’ve done
And find it in your heart to not want to run
I will be here steering clear
Of that impregnable fortress of fear
If you’re alone and you feel the way I do
Then I am so in like with you
Baby, if you’re scared know that I’m scared too
Just give me something shallow to dive into
Our experiment may leave us burned
But, at least it feels new
You’re gonna find out the horrible shit I’ve done
And you’re gonna wanna run
Because if it ain’t you, then it’s me
I’m telling you
You will see
Because you’re alone and you feel the way I do
And I was so in like with you, nothing more
Oh no, I was a contradiction because I was
Falling for you but I felt so uplifted
And now you see the real me
I am selfish and disheveled and I only think of
Me and my problems
I am selfish and disheveled and I only think of
Me and the variables
I can’t be there for you
When I can’t escape this urge to escape
And maybe you can learned what I’ve learned
When your soul turns to stone it can’t get burned
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12. |
Disappointed Blues
04:06
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The Disappointed Blues
From the fourth story balcony
The people below
Look like ants on the pavement
They scurry to and fro
Toward deadlines and promises
And all the in-between
Some promises are so hard to keep
When my opinion changes so much from week to week
I could say I was caught up in the moment
But, I never escaped my doubt
So I’m singing the disappointed blues
Because I know that’s how I’m going to leave you
Yes, I’m singing the disappointed blues
Because it’s the easiest thing to do
Got this job in a file room at a child support office
Row upon row of manilla folders
Each of them containing a thousand arguments
You’d come to see me on my lunchbreak
And we’d light and smoke part of the day away
And those buildings sat crumbling,
Ashen grey against the sky
We’d point and say “we’d live there if the rent weren’t
So damn high”.
You taught me how to dance in a vacant parking garage
You said, “swing your hips, lick your lips, and get lost.”
What matters is having you around
To occupy space, create sound, and
Set the days to a less lonely pace
I know you might feel used
But, you’ve such a lovely face
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13. |
Spin Fruit Spiraling
04:28
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Spin Fruit Spiraling
If everything’s subjective the objective is lost
And we never mention value only question the cost
We only wait for our turns to talk as I’m driving you around
So we had our little falling out
And I was finally proven right in all of my doubt
I don’t know shit about anything at all
Neither do you, so who is at fault?
But it’s me with the knife on a whiskey drunk night
You were taking a flight to make everything right
How I roamed the streets with a sense of defeat
Cursing the fact that we ever had to meet
So I’m riding in the back of the ambulance
With a man who’s grown accustomed to the sight of death
I ask him what he feels about women and heartache
He says, “son never let let anything change your fate.”
And on the way to the hospital I started thinking of you just a little
Do you think I’d learn my lesson? Oh, never never
No, I am fashionably disheveled and I’ll love you forever
You say you’re getting better, well that’s good to know
I just wish all those improvements would start to show
You look like an empty shell baby, you look dead as fucking hell baby
You got your fairy dust so just fly away
May you never steal another dollar fuck or day or smile or meal from me
Oh, this cursed digression
What I need is an answer
Or a friend
Or a feeling
In the end what I need is a tract of land far from this mire
I’d be unlike many others and eliminate desire
But I won’t, no I won’t
You were the apple of my eye
Spinning spiraling and rotting
Core exposed
Seeds that just won’t grow
And as the days the create
Drip away like lemonade
The memories tear us from our sleep
Lying in this bed we unmade
With an overwhelming need to fade
I’m telling you it’s sick
I’m telling you it’s wrong
Laying in the gutter is where I belong
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Jesse Jay Allen Tacoma, Washington
From Metropulse.com
On Dearest Echo, Allen matches thick, ambient guitar and synthesizer with
Britpop melodies for an approximation of Radiohead, or Wilco at its most expansive. Allen’s solid voice has a forlorn quality that works with the music’s depressive tone.
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